Sometimes Moms Feel Overtouched
Heather McCain
It has been a long day. I'm exhausted and sore. I collapse on the couch and sigh with relief as I feel the load begin to lift.
My five kids see that mama has a free moment, and they surround me within seconds of one another. Two of them climb into my lap. Another plays with my hair. One squeezes in between me and the arm of the couch, and the other sits on the opposite side of me and gently places his hand on mine.
I feel something begin to brew inside of me. Is that frustration? No, I don't think that's what it is. I don't know then word for this feeling. I'm literally surrounded by love, yet I feel the sudden urge to jump up and run for the hills. I stay for a few minutes then excuse myself to the restroom, where I sit and scroll Facebook for thirty minutes.
Next comes guilt for feeling this way. I know my kids need me, but right now I just need space. This isn't the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last, but I keep the feelings to myself for fear of sounding like an awful mother.
A few weeks later, I come across a post in a mom group that finally put a word to this emotion. One minute, I felt terrible for ever wanting to escape my children's touches, and the next I was reading account after account from other moms who also feel overtouched.
My five kids see that mama has a free moment, and they surround me within seconds of one another. Two of them climb into my lap. Another plays with my hair. One squeezes in between me and the arm of the couch, and the other sits on the opposite side of me and gently places his hand on mine.
I feel something begin to brew inside of me. Is that frustration? No, I don't think that's what it is. I don't know then word for this feeling. I'm literally surrounded by love, yet I feel the sudden urge to jump up and run for the hills. I stay for a few minutes then excuse myself to the restroom, where I sit and scroll Facebook for thirty minutes.
Next comes guilt for feeling this way. I know my kids need me, but right now I just need space. This isn't the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last, but I keep the feelings to myself for fear of sounding like an awful mother.
A few weeks later, I come across a post in a mom group that finally put a word to this emotion. One minute, I felt terrible for ever wanting to escape my children's touches, and the next I was reading account after account from other moms who also feel overtouched.
Overtouched. That's it. In those moments, I really just want my personal space and limited physical contact because I am feeling overtouched. Some of the moms in that thread called it "touched out." Either way, we were all experiencing the feeling of being touched too much. And not just by the kids, some moms mentioned their spouse or pets as well. These feelings can result in irritability and frustration.
Knowing what I was feeling, and that I wasn't alone in feeling overtouched, lifted the burden of shame I had been carrying.
Unfortunately, society seems to steer women away from talking about being overtouched. How many times have we heard the usual phrases: One day, you'll miss them wanting to sit in your lap. One day, they won't let you hold their hand anymore. One day, you'll wish you could have those cuddles one more time.
Well, I'm here to tell you that it is okay if you need a break today. It doesn't mean you love your kids less, and it doesn't make you less of a mother to need personal autonomy in those moments. We are people, too, with bodies and minds that have desires that reach beyond motherhood. It is okay, and necessary, to walk away, or make plans that don't include your children. It is okay to say, "Hey, mommy really needs some personal space for a little while. Instead of sitting on my lap, how about sitting beside me?" Doing this not only teaches respect of personal space, but also teaches them that they have the right to decline physical contact from others, even those they really love.
Some days, you may be able to cuddle those babies and never want to let go. Others, you may feel overtouched, and need to show love in different ways. But, I promise, on both days, you are doing a good job as a mother.
Knowing what I was feeling, and that I wasn't alone in feeling overtouched, lifted the burden of shame I had been carrying.
Unfortunately, society seems to steer women away from talking about being overtouched. How many times have we heard the usual phrases: One day, you'll miss them wanting to sit in your lap. One day, they won't let you hold their hand anymore. One day, you'll wish you could have those cuddles one more time.
Well, I'm here to tell you that it is okay if you need a break today. It doesn't mean you love your kids less, and it doesn't make you less of a mother to need personal autonomy in those moments. We are people, too, with bodies and minds that have desires that reach beyond motherhood. It is okay, and necessary, to walk away, or make plans that don't include your children. It is okay to say, "Hey, mommy really needs some personal space for a little while. Instead of sitting on my lap, how about sitting beside me?" Doing this not only teaches respect of personal space, but also teaches them that they have the right to decline physical contact from others, even those they really love.
Some days, you may be able to cuddle those babies and never want to let go. Others, you may feel overtouched, and need to show love in different ways. But, I promise, on both days, you are doing a good job as a mother.
Related:
Disclosure: As an affiliate marketer, I earn from qualifying purchases made through my links. You don't pay a penny more, and I get to keep the lights on! Woohoo!